The Stormy Sailors Maker Lab has been unusually busy lately. Several projects that began as rough ideas are now working systems—or at least functioning well enough to begin proper sea trials.
The Tactical Pirate
The Tactical Pirate handheld has moved from a bare development board to functioning custom firmware with a distinctly Stormy Sailors appearance.
The display, rotary controls, menus, storage, settings, QR screen, and numerous onboard tools are now operating. The original firmware colours and branding have largely been replaced with our own naval, brass, copper, and pirate-inspired interface.
Several builds failed along the way. Screens misbehaved, declarations landed in the wrong places, icons looked dreadful on the actual display, and the occasional bug tried to maroon us inside a menu. Each problem was tracked down, corrected, rebuilt, and tested on the real device.
The current firmware is usable, but development is not finished. Documentation, firmware downloads, archived releases, improved security, and proper protection against unauthorized modification remain on the chart.
Tactical Pirate Website
The Tactical Pirate now has its own section on Stormysailors.com.
New pages include:
* Documentation
* Firmware Downloads
* Changelog
* Roadmap
* Licences
* Terms and Conditions
* Contact Information
Anyone with questions—or anyone interested in purchasing a prebuilt Tactical Pirate—can contact:
Photographs of the real device will be added once suitable pictures have been taken.
StormyOS
StormyOS v0.21.3, codenamed **Quiet Mutiny v2**, was formally accepted and deployed.
The kiosk rotation was cleaned up, unused stations were removed, Ember’s station was improved, and the weather display received several corrections. Ember now remains on screen long enough to properly supervise the shipyard—or demand cookies.
The new Formula 1 Pit Wall station has also been built. It still needs a live race weekend to prove itself under real conditions.
Sea trials are scheduled for the coming race weekend.
Logbook
The Logbook project continues to provide discreet recording and transcription tools for iPhone and Mac.
The iPhone version can record, pause, resume, organize, rename, share, and transcribe log entries. Work has also begun on Apple Watch controls.
The Mac version can capture microphone and system audio and produce offline transcripts. Further testing and integration remain ahead.
Next Watch
The next major task is creating simple Tactical Pirate documentation.
Each function will be explained without unnecessary jargon and supported with pictures wherever they make the instructions easier to understand. Firmware protection and safe distribution will also be investigated before public releases become routine.
There is still plenty of work ahead, but the important part is this:
The projects are no longer merely plans. They exist. They run. They occasionally misbehave spectacularly—but that is why every proper ship keeps a log.
Think Like a Captain. Play Like a Pirate.
Friday, August 14, 2026
The day started peacefully enough aboard ship.
I’d already consumed enough coffee to float a small destroyer, so I switched over to tea and settled in for what I foolishly believed might be a quiet and productive day.
Aye.
That lasted about ten bloody minutes.
First order of business was Operation Sloppy Seconds.
I’ve been getting increasingly annoyed with the amount of AI-generated bilge washing up on my YouTube feed. Half the time you don’t even know you’re watching the bloody stuff until somebody suddenly grows an extra finger or the English narrator inexplicably starts speaking Chinese.
Enough was enough.
So I installed Tampermonkey on the Mac and we built ourselves a little Slop Filter.
Naturally, it didn’t work the first time.
There was poking.
There was debugging.
There may have been language unbecoming of a gentleman.
Eventually, though…
The bastard worked.
So far the seas have been suspiciously free of AI slop. Whether we’ve actually frightened it off or it’s simply hiding beyond the horizon remains to be seen.
We’ll maintain watch.
Then the Captain made his first tactical error of the day.
I asked a simple question:
Could I build my own Flipper Zero?
Now, sensible people might have researched the idea for five minutes, decided it was too much trouble, and gone back to drinking their tea.
Unfortunately, there were no sensible people present.
Within short order, the idea had evolved into the Stormy Zero — Tactical Pirate Edition.
The current manifest calls for Wi-Fi, RFID, infrared, radio capabilities, security testing tools, passcode protection, and enough blinking lights to make anyone standing nearby wonder whether they should be concerned.
Then I requested the obvious final component.
An EMP cannon.
Request denied.
I appealed the decision.
Denied again.
I pointed out that every properly equipped pirate vessel should have at least one electromagnetic weapon.
Apparently this argument was “not technically compelling.”
Bollocks.
So, under protest, the Stormy Zero will have to make do with authorized Wi-Fi security testing, infrared shenanigans, radio experimentation, hardware tinkering, and whatever other questionable but perfectly legal mischief we can cram aboard.
One unit will be ordered.
There was some discussion about ordering two.
Engineering asked why I would possibly need two.
The Captain’s position remains:
Two is cooler.
Frankly, I don’t see how anyone can argue with that level of scientific reasoning.
So here we are.
I started the day drinking tea and trying to rid YouTube of AI-generated bilge.
I ended it planning a custom Tactical Pirate electronic mischief machine, debating whether I need two of them, and arguing with Engineering because apparently I’m not allowed an EMP cannon.
And that, shipmates…
is why the Captain needs supervision.
🏴☠️⚓
End log.
Maintain watch, secure the rum, and for God’s sake don’t let the Captain browse electronics unsupervised.